by Charlotte Riggle
*Talk* to your spouse! Put what you want, how you feel, what you love about him in *words*. That affectionate glance might not mean anything to someone with NLD. Hints that you drop will be left there lying on the floor. If you want your NLD spouse to know something, SAY it!
Similarly, avoid teasing. People with NLD have trouble figuring it out when you say one thing and mean another. So if you say something with a smile or a giggle, assuming your partner is going to know that you meant just the
opposite — it won’t work. You’re going to hurt feelings if you do that.
*Listen* to what your partner says when he tells you what he needs. Take his word for it. That’s good advice for anyone, I think, but it’s especially important for someone with a disability. For example, I get lost really easily. If I’ve been from point A to point B a jillion times, and from point A to point C at least as often, that does *not* mean that I’m going to have any idea how to get from point B to point C. My husband, who seems to have a built-in connection to the Global Positioning System, has trouble understanding that. But when I need to go somewhere, he’s happy to give me clear, simple directions, starting from wherever I am. Of course, there were a few times when we were first married that he gave me directions starting from some point half-way there that he figured I could get to that were absolute disasters! But he understands what I need now, and he does it.
Keep a sense of humor. If he’s upset about something stupid he did because of the NLD, reassure him *with words* that you know how he feels, but that you’re not upset, that it’s no big deal, that you don’t think he’s incompetent or stupid.